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    [FANFIC] Respawn

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    ail_t
     
     

    Age Age : 23
    Location Location : England
    Joined Joined : 2012-08-23
    Posts Posts : 18

    [FANFIC] Respawn

    Post by ail_t on Thu Aug 23, 2012 8:06 pm

    Hey guys, this is a fanfic that I wrote over a year ago (March 2011) that I doscontinued, but I'd like you guys to see it. It's a Minecraft story BTW tongue

    Respawn

    Pain shot through my veins, as if a million zombies were pulverising me in a blink of an eye. The shrieks of spiders became faint, the moan of the zombies died. Silence. I could see the light dawning upon me, killing my eyes and burning my skin. Ringing came to my ears, then I heard something new. Oink! I glanced up to see myself on a lonely beach, with few mobs around. I could hear the sea next to me, and feel the wind in my hair.

    I respawned.

    DAY 1:
    Starting again, punching trees was my main objective. Hours of work I've already done, just to be repeated again and again until I get sick and tired. One of my hardest choices was choosing what I was going to do for the rest of my life. Farmer, architect, min- no. No way I'm going to go in any caves again. Past experiences have forever scarred with the thought that I will always be mentally ill thanks to all the horrors in working underground, in the dark, with just a pickaxe and hundreds of dark forces plotting to kill you every moment of every day for all time until you turn your back and... and... it's all over.

    Starting off, I decided to just go simple and make a house. It started from a workbench, and then grew to be 4 blocks tall, but without a roof. It came to me that night would fall soon, and if I didn't have any protection, then I would be dead once again. I didn't have enough wood for a ceiling, and I certainly wasn't going to mine coal for torches. What could I do? I checked my backpack. 4 logs. Suddenly I realised, you can make charcoal out of logs, then use it to make torches. Finally, the world was rewarding me! I could smelt the logs using my wooden planks. I got my stuff ready and... I had no furnace. You need stone for a furnace, and I was too afraid. Yet, I know it was the only way. I created a wooden pickaxe, and carefully found a spot to dig. I know that if I dug down, there could be bad, even disasterous results, so I made a staircase. Slowly, I mined the 8 cobblestone I needed, and raced straignt back up the stairs. I then sealed off the mini-mine and created my furnace. I took a breath of relief, as the log burned and I put up my 4 torches.

    DAY 2:
    Last night was scary. Not just scary, but bloodcurdling. I idiotically made one of the most ametur mistakes ever. I forgot to make a door. Every creature I've had to once face came to me through my front passageway, horrifying me to no extent. All I had was a puny wooden sword. Battling them wasn't the best way to spend my first night of respawning. Everytime I went to make a door, I could feel my self getting weaker, slowly loosing precious hearts until... I heard all the mobs getting tortured. Finally the lovely sun had come out. I sighed, but with a smile just as all the invaders had died...

    sssSSsssSSsssSSsSSSSSsSSsS...

    Tell me what you think!
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    maingan
     
     

    Age Age : 24
    Location Location : Lafayette Indiana
    Joined Joined : 2012-08-23
    Posts Posts : 125

    Re: [FANFIC] Respawn

    Post by maingan on Fri Aug 24, 2012 12:24 am

    It's good.
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    ian_the_great2
     
     

    Age Age : 19
    Location Location : Nearest trash can
    Joined Joined : 2012-08-23
    Posts Posts : 221

    Re: [FANFIC] Respawn

    Post by ian_the_great2 on Fri Aug 24, 2012 11:25 pm

    Not bad, check your parallel structure. some lines sound a bit off.
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    Cüzen
     
     

    Age Age : 27
    Location Location : England
    Joined Joined : 2012-07-21
    Posts Posts : 174

    Re: [FANFIC] Respawn

    Post by Cüzen on Sat Aug 25, 2012 11:29 am

    Very nice!

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    Re: [FANFIC] Respawn

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